Saddlebacking

I've been a fairly regular reader of sex advice columnist, Dan Savage of Savage Love, for several years now. I have to admit, I visit less for the advice (which happens to be excellent) and more for his witty and often merciless repartee.

I also became endeared to him several years back (in 2003) when he started the Smearing Santorum campaign. At the time, American Senator Rick Santorum, in an interview with AP, "grouped gay sex together with incest, polygamy and zoophilia as deviant sexual behavior threatening society and the family. He further stated that he believed consenting adults do not have a constitutional right to privacy with respect to sexual acts." (wiki)

Savage held a contest amongst readers to find a new definition for the word 'santorum', preferably something with disgusting connotations, that could rival and replace Santorum in popular consciousness and language. Someone came up with the definition: "that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." Fantastic. With diligence and love, legions of internet users clicking on the site Savage created, spreadingsantorum.com, edged the actual Rick Santorum site out of its first place sitting on google.

Today, Savage has a new crusade: a definition for the term 'saddlebacking;' something befitting for Rick Warren, pastor of the Saddleback Church. Since Warren shares many of the same views as Santorum, it's apropos that he also be immortalized. You can read Savage's column on the subject here.

You can make a difference! Your vote counts!

Below is the reader submitted shortlist for the soon to be anointed 'saddlebacking' term. Take your pick and email your favorite to: saddleback@savagelove.net

(1) "Logically, if 'barebacking' means having butt sex with no condom, then 'saddlebacking' should mean having butt sex with a condom."

(2) "Saddleback (verb): to submit someone to any kind of humiliating, unreciprocal sex act, either literally or metaphorically, consented to by passive partner due to submissive/masochistic tendencies, desire for approval, or other darker motive. E.g., 'I don't know why Obama is letting Rick Warren saddleback him into presiding over his inauguration.'"

(3) "The saddleback position involves placing your lubed dick between the butt cheeks of your partner. This position can be performed on your sides or on top of a facedown partner (maybe with a pillow under his or her hips). My favorite way of finishing up the saddlebacking is to lift up and come on my wife's sweaty back. The saddleback is a nice compromise position when your partner won't allow anal entry."

(4) "To saddleback is to rail against gay sex in public while secretly indulging in the same in private. Ted Haggard? Total saddlebacker. Larry Craig? Saddlebacker. Rick Warren? Probably a saddlebacker."

(5) "'Saddlebacking' should be the term for the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities. 'After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she's saving herself for marriage.' Please, please adopt this definition!"

(6) "Saddleback (verb): to ejaculate on the back of a partner at the culmination of doggy-style anal sex."

(7) "Before being invited to give the invocation, Mr. Warren was most noted for his book The Purpose Driven Life. Therefore, 'to saddleback' is to fuck with a purpose, i.e., to procreate. A heterosexual couple asked if they're trying to have children could reply, 'No, we're not ready for kids yet, but we'll probably start saddlebacking next year.'"

Hmm. Some tough choices. I think I'll go for #5. Number six is good as a sex term, but I'd really hate to do anything that denigrates the beauty and form of doggy-style pounding. Santorum (the substance) was unique in that it was gross and in need of labeling at the same time.

Ahh, I love the internet. Goes to show you what the will of a number of disgruntled individuals can achieve. Absolute pandemonium.

The inaugural cock suck

I told myself I'd wait until the new year to recommence any sexual escapading. I wanted to be sure I wasn't running from anything and give myself time to clear my system.

But a girl's gotta eat.

Come, that is.

As a good omen bestowed by the gods of fuck, the lovely Madeline at Fleshbot included my 'Sexual endurance' piece in the best of the sex blogs round-up. Many thanks Madeline. Of course, many thanks to the cock of inspiration.

Photo: Natacha Merritt

Sexual endurance

His cock is in my throat. I've slid underneath him so that he's straddling my face. I'm looking up at him, his sleek, flat stomach, his heavy eyes. He is panting. I focus on wrapping my throat around him like a hand or a pussy, feeling all the angles of my mouth massaging him. I experiment until I relax into a position I can hold for a long time. That's when I realize that one of my favorite things about any sexual encounter is the plateau. The zone.

Orgasms, while they can be powerful, are for amateurs. Anyone too intensely focused on their orgasm or too vulnerable to having one feels like an unworthy opponent. I've discarded lovers ruthlessly if I've ever ended up with one who didn't value extended pleasure.

David Deida has a theory that women need to be fucked for at least 45 minutes before they'll even have a decent cervical orgasm. (He divides female orgasms into three types: the clitoral, g-spot and cervical, and ranks them in the same order for level of profundity. Deida is the one person I've come across who does this and I agree with his assessment. More on this in another post.)

The only men I've ever taken seriously are those who can control their orgasms and who value fucking for a very long time. When I find a man who keeps me up all or most of the night, I hold on to him. He clearly values sex as much as I do and has put in the time to become an excellent lover.

On another level, I draw a correlation between his sexual fortitude and his intestinal one. Flimsy fuckers are flimsy men and vice versa. I've never met a fearless fucker who also wasn't a fearless man.

The only thing that can assuage my disappointment at a man's orgasm is his ever-ready cock responding again in a few minutes. Then all is right in the world again.

New beginnings

"Anything or anyone that doesn't bring you alive - is too small for you."

–David Whyte


While I'm not much of a new year partier (I tend to stay indoors and do my best to avoid drunk people), I do like the symbolism of a fresh start. I also believe in having the discipline to make changes throughout the year, but to cast a line now seems fitting.

I've been settling into my 'single-ness' and my emotional parts are settling into their own resting places. I feel optimistic and excited about the future. I'd have to say that I feel even more myself, a new blossoming or uncovering of self than I've felt in the past eight or so months in the relationship I was in. I'm feeling light and effervescent.

I was watching Belle de Jour - The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl. In the second season, Belle falls in love. She agonizes about if and when to tell her lover about her day/night job. Eventually he finds out and she ends up changing herself in different ways to become someone he'd feel comfortable with and wouldn't be threatened by. She starts shrinking. Even he notices that she's no longer the woman with the spark in her eye he first met.

The proclamation I'm making is to live bigger and spend time with people who appreciate and support my outrageousness. I've had the most fun in my life when I've been able to openly be who I am. I realize as I get older, that discretion keeps doors open, but really, I think it's important to find ways to be all of who we are and still make that work for us in our lives. Too much compartmentalization is fragmenting internally. It's a hard life to sustain and frankly it's also boring.

I've been appreciating the gifts and synchronicities of timing in life. It's an acceptance that although events in the moment can seem crushing and senseless, with time, I can see deeper meanings behind all of it.

In the process of me sharing more in this space, I've come to know some amazing people. I appreciate the words and thoughts of everyone who has taken the time to write. Your encouragement and support mean a lot. Thank you.

Image: source unknown.