Beautiful, depraved

Intimacy. Debauchery. Irreverence.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Saddlebacking

I've been a fairly regular reader of sex advice columnist, Dan Savage of Savage Love, for several years now. I have to admit, I visit less for the advice (which happens to be excellent) and more for his witty and often merciless repartee.

I also became endeared to him several years back (in 2003) when he started the Smearing Santorum campaign. At the time, American Senator Rick Santorum, in an interview with AP, "grouped gay sex together with incest, polygamy and zoophilia as deviant sexual behavior threatening society and the family. He further stated that he believed consenting adults do not have a constitutional right to privacy with respect to sexual acts." (wiki)

Savage held a contest amongst readers to find a new definition for the word 'santorum', preferably something with disgusting connotations, that could rival and replace Santorum in popular consciousness and language. Someone came up with the definition: "that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." Fantastic. With diligence and love, legions of internet users clicking on the site Savage created, spreadingsantorum.com, edged the actual Rick Santorum site out of its first place sitting on google.

Today, Savage has a new crusade: a definition for the term 'saddlebacking;' something befitting for Rick Warren, pastor of the Saddleback Church. Since Warren shares many of the same views as Santorum, it's apropos that he also be immortalized. You can read Savage's column on the subject here.

You can make a difference! Your vote counts!

Below is the reader submitted shortlist for the soon to be anointed 'saddlebacking' term. Take your pick and email your favorite to: saddleback@savagelove.net

(1) "Logically, if 'barebacking' means having butt sex with no condom, then 'saddlebacking' should mean having butt sex with a condom."

(2) "Saddleback (verb): to submit someone to any kind of humiliating, unreciprocal sex act, either literally or metaphorically, consented to by passive partner due to submissive/masochistic tendencies, desire for approval, or other darker motive. E.g., 'I don't know why Obama is letting Rick Warren saddleback him into presiding over his inauguration.'"

(3) "The saddleback position involves placing your lubed dick between the butt cheeks of your partner. This position can be performed on your sides or on top of a facedown partner (maybe with a pillow under his or her hips). My favorite way of finishing up the saddlebacking is to lift up and come on my wife's sweaty back. The saddleback is a nice compromise position when your partner won't allow anal entry."

(4) "To saddleback is to rail against gay sex in public while secretly indulging in the same in private. Ted Haggard? Total saddlebacker. Larry Craig? Saddlebacker. Rick Warren? Probably a saddlebacker."

(5) "'Saddlebacking' should be the term for the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities. 'After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she's saving herself for marriage.' Please, please adopt this definition!"

(6) "Saddleback (verb): to ejaculate on the back of a partner at the culmination of doggy-style anal sex."

(7) "Before being invited to give the invocation, Mr. Warren was most noted for his book The Purpose Driven Life. Therefore, 'to saddleback' is to fuck with a purpose, i.e., to procreate. A heterosexual couple asked if they're trying to have children could reply, 'No, we're not ready for kids yet, but we'll probably start saddlebacking next year.'"

Hmm. Some tough choices. I think I'll go for #5. Number six is good as a sex term, but I'd really hate to do anything that denigrates the beauty and form of doggy-style pounding. Santorum (the substance) was unique in that it was gross and in need of labeling at the same time.

Ahh, I love the internet. Goes to show you what the will of a number of disgruntled individuals can achieve. Absolute pandemonium.

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