Beautiful, depraved

Intimacy. Debauchery. Irreverence.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Spirituality vs. I'm a great big slut

This comment came in a as a response to my “To Do List” post. I think the questions are totally valid, so I’m going to publish my response here.

I'm English, therefore sexual repression is probably in my genes as well as coming from my upbringing and the relatively conservative society that we live in here in Blighty, but I can't seem to equate being feminine, spiritual and sexy with these kind of sexual fantasies. Even as I write this though I question myself. I was about to ask this question: how can you be really spiritual and still crave all this raucous sexual activity? But then I thought to myself to deny the fantasy would be repression and therefore destructive. Hmmm....

Why though, do you want to have sex with all these men? Do you think it is a healthy thing? Don't you think you would be demeaned by the experience? It doesn't seem like there is anything particularly deep about your relationships with these men. Wouldn't it be a case of mere genital rubbing? I'm confused because I can see from your blog that you also relate to David Deida's work, which I have recently become so inspired by. He has helped change my view of relationships, myself and helped me understand what I am looking for in a man. You seem like a very open, courageous, feminine explorer, but at the same time I can't relate to the side of you that is sexually voracious. But then, I don't even know you! Maybe I am a little jealous. I feel like I am dried up. I need some new ideas. Some sexual food. I know you must get so many replies each day, so I totally understand if you can't reply, but if you could I would be so grateful. Or even if you could point me in the direction of some good sites? I don't mind if you print this post on your site. Thanks. xox


A lady in the streets and a freak between the sheets? Don’t we all want that? I certainly want a man like that.

Beautiful, intelligent, charming woman. I have an excellent eye for art, fashion and presentation (although I'm becoming quite partial to "cheap hooker" look. It seems to really work for me). I’m warm-hearted and spiritual – I volunteer within my community on a number of different levels. I have a decent intellect but prefer the languages of the heart and the body. I practice yoga and have been devoted to my spiritual path for 13 years. I teach a satsang class where I live.

And I like to get fucked.

A lot.

There are certainly a number of themes we can toss about here.

1) Women who openly admit to a “voracious” sexual appetite are usually labeled sluts. Men who do the same are revered.

I will venture to say that I am not that different from many women out there in having a desire to be very sexual – only that I acknowledge it to myself and to other people. The ‘slut’ word doesn’t scare me anymore. :)

2) From a very young age, after having lots of great sex, I still thought: “there has to be something more to sex.” I knew instinctively that it was some kind of portal, but it wasn’t until I found Tantra that I had a framework to express that concept within. Tantric and Taoist study both consider sexual energy to be extremely potent – the most powerful energy on the planet – and that CONSCIOUSLY channeled, it can be used for amazing things like:

a) revitalizing physical health – ancient Taoist physicians would prescribe different sexual positions to cure different ailments – by directing the energy to certain organs, etc. The best acupressure treatment going.
b) using sexual energy as a catalyst to reach higher spiritual/cosmic states
c) and, a very modern application and one that I play with a lot has to do with all the taboos and repression (you said it) that sex carries these days. People carry and hold a lot of energy in their repressed desires. When that stuff is explored consciously, very powerful things happen.

When I first went into fantasy play (and still), amazing things have taken place. There is something about taking these scenarios that I carry around with me, that are usually my secret, masturbatory fantasies and letting them loose that actually changes the nature of my reality. My inner world starts to mesh with my outer and vice versa and I feel extremely empowered. Our fantasies, our deepest sexual desires are often a source of shame. My experiences in acting these out in safe, sane and consensual environments has brought me more into a sense of my true self and given me incredible freedom to be all of who I am.

I play in the BDSM realm. I have a Master. I am his slave.

Or, as he once described it, the dominant becomes the mind and the submissive, the body.

BDSM really isn’t about pain or whips and chains or any other stereotypes most people conjure up. (Not entirely, anyway. ;) It has been an incredible vehicle for me to act out many of my fantasies. Would I really go into a gas station and fuck 10 random strangers? Probably not. (But who knows? ;) Instead, my Master might set up some similar scenario amongst seasoned players. Because I trust him implicitly, I can completely let go into the experience that he will orchestrate and through it I will experience some kind of transformation.

Is it mere genital rubbing? My primary connection is with myself and with him. I’m basically ‘using’ the other participants and they are ‘using’ me to create this. Even the voyeurs are participating since I want an audience. To me, any experience approached consciously has value.

I probably ought to add that my Master is a very conscious being. He is a Master martial artist, and a true shaman in that he can fearlessly move through many worlds and guide me into new/old places within myself. Neither of us uses drugs or alcohol.

On not being able to equate the sexy with the spiritual and feminine. In the past month, since my Master has taken me on again, I already notice so many changes within myself:

I walk around wanting to spread my legs for every man I see. I see a man look at me hungrily, with sex in his eyes and my instinct is to open my legs, my mouth a little wider.

I am smiling at people more, connecting with them, seeing how lots of people actually genuinely smile at me. I’m taking the first step in initiating contact and conversation with people.

I feel more capable of love and intimacy and more open to the world around me, as though the openness of my cunt is related to how I interact in the world. My own self-acceptance makes me accept other people more. I feel happier.

Men stare at me, mouths open, eyes hungry. Left, right and center. They can just sense this openness in me. And I’m energetically telling them they can have it. I love it. Especially middle-aged, slovenly kinds of men. I pass them an energetic fuck and squeeze them with my thighs and smile invitingly as I walk past them.

“I don’t mind if you print this post on your site.”

I bet you don’t! ;) I’m happy to assist you with a little bit of exposure. As for where to point you, I’d say just follow your nose (or rather, your pussy). It knows. One thing I embark upon tends to lead to another. David Deida has his strong points. Anyone who uses the words “cock” and “pussy” and then says something intelligent is all right in my books. Body Electric does some very good workshops. Osho’s Multiversity in Pune or Humaniversity in the Netherlands will shake you up. Or spend a weekend with me.

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